What I think about when I am alone

Urban gymnastics? Wow. This is effing inspirational.

I don't usually think about urban gymnastics, per se, but I do think about extreme exuberance and physical effort and moving with the hand of God supporting you.

I think about being watched. A lot. I should say I think about being admired. For all the little things, like how I hold a teacup, how I move through the crowded subway station, how my eyes betray when I am working things out in my mind. I think about someone noticing that I get my metrocard out before I need it so I can sail through the turnstile without a fuss, and then that I carefully put it back in its place in the front of my little red coin purse. I think about being watched and appreciated as I perform economical yet graceful choreography in the kitchen, one of the only places I can enjoy an almost total lack of self-consciousness.

I think about math, fractions, percentages, graphs. Mostly when I am jogging. The quantifiable effort that goes along with this particular form of exercise is immensely gratifying to me. Measurable accomplishment, quantifiable effort, whatever you want to call it. When you're done, you're done. That's why I always liked math; it's so reliable. This lady is into math too, but hers could be called emotional math. Satisfying, nonetheless.

I have a lot of conversations in my head, where I get to say everything right and whomever I am talking to has all the right reactions, says all the right stuff and sets me up beautifully to show them how awesome and smart I am. Sometimes I forget that these conversations aren't actually happening and I'll say something out loud and/or gesture wildly (to make my point). On the street. Oops. Then I wonder if that guy sitting in the idling van just saw my lips move or my hand move erratically just now. Yikes!

I think about being famous and celebrated. For anything. I guess this goes along with being watched and noticed and admired. I think about being a famous artist or singer or writer or even real estate mogul which, ironically, is probably what will happen first. I think about being on a stage with a room full of people cheering me on while I do whatever awesome thing it is that I do to make them all love me so.

I can almost reach out and touch this feeling sometimes. Living in New York certainly puts you closer to this feeling on a daily basis, I think anyway. It seems so easy, so attainable to become famous here. Aside from the business and the money potential I hope to generate from Home Buying for Hipsters 2, I want this feeling, the stage-cheering one. I really think it's going to work.