This just proves it

Yesterday was my birthday. For the first time EVER, I kinda freaked out the week before about the age I was turning. Not a good sign. But I reigned it in by the end of the week. Very me to tamp it down.

My best/worst birthday was 16. It was very popular that year for friends to kidnap one another before school take the celebrated one out to breakfast in pajamas. They also painted my face, but were a little disappointed that I has already woken up and showered by the time they got there. What can I say, grandma called early. We went to Biff's, which is no longer there. Fun.

A week later, I got a surprise party. Also fun. Looking back not too long later, I think everyone must have felt sorry for me because my dad had JUST died two weeks before. I had this dream on my actual birthday that he and I were sitting by a window talking. That was it. My mom said it was him giving me a present. I buy that.

As of late, I have been engaging in some mental mutilations and self-flagellation (doin' the beat-up) where it concerns the dude I was dating. Haven't seen him in forever and making decisions about what it all means. Talking myself out of things, talking myself into things, talk talk talk talk talk. Think think think think think. I am always so effing sure of myself and what I think about something that I often miss the point completely. This can happen in my drawings as well.

Thursday night I decided to text him since I was going to pass through his neighborhood on my way home from drawing class. I looked really cute but felt kind of sweaty from the long day and balmy weather. He texted right back, so I called and went over there when I got out of the train. We enjoyed a nice conversation for an hour or so and then at some point I screwed up my courage and decided to kiss him, which turned out to be a well-received idea.

We had a good time. He said a lot of nice things to me, I started to get a more well-rounded picture of who he is and how he feels about things in general and me in specific. I realized (again) that all the negative shit I think of when we are not hanging out is mostly made up. This whatever it is may not be everything I want right now, but my experience the other night just proves that when I make shit up, I am usually wrong and that really, everything is just fine.

And he's still RAD!