Can't send it, part 2

I wrote this one yesterday while distracting myself from not eating and cleaning the house.

Mister,

Part 2 of Blank Realization Day is well under way. It's past 1 and I have only had seltzer. Been able to fend off the restlessness of not eating for this long, hope I make it to midnight.

I have created a huge pile of junk to get rid of. I am listening to old mix tapes. The one on right now is from Mario Hernandez. I am on a couple of his records, clapping and shoo-be-do-wopping. Those were fun times. He turned out to be a lecherous creep in real life but I still liked singing on his recordings. I love visiting the 90s.

There is so much to do, so much to clean. I can't believe I am not allowed to eat. Every few minutes I think,"Hmmm, what should I eat?" Then I remember I am not doing that, in part so I don't get distracted from today's purpose. Getting rid of things is so useful. I like to look at the things and think about who I think I am and why I got the things, why I still have them and if I still need them. Sometimes I keep things.

It's like all day therapy. Awes.

Miss

Again,

Suddenly, my day has shape. The mix tape cleaning has ended, for now. It's not finished but it's over. We took a very large pile of stuff away. Shelf, sweaters, Marc Jacobs jacket, green lamps. Some duds, some gems. Gifts for the pickers.

I was getting so hungry, couldn't think of anything else. Perilously close to caving in. Called DZ. She's still in it. No food, only water. Gave me more resolve. 5:30 is not so bad when I know how I'll spend the next six and a half hours.

I'll type this.
I'll buy pasta.
I'll run.
I'll shower.
I'll catch the bus.
Then it'll be 9.
Movie.
Dinner!

Better get started, or I'll be late.